Wow I pushed myself hard this morning, only burned 340 calories but I felt great. I was doing my punches and kickboxing and I was soooo hard on myself. I kept saying to myself push yourself you worthless piece of crap, come on loser you can do it. I didn't realise how hard I was on myself. I don't believe in myself. I almost broke down in tears this morning because of it. It was a bit of a breakthrough for me. I really need to sit down this afternoon and do some journal writing about why I don't believe in myself and why I think I am such a loser etc.
I am going through a bit of soul searching and figuring out why I self sabotage my results and why I can’t stay committed to things. I lose my willpower and my motivation. Tonight I am going to do some more soul searching through journal writing. I REALLY need to understand why I do the things I do. I have the same habits and lack of motivation and willpower in everything I do, whether it is work, exercise, diet or relationships. I get bored quickly (yes I am a Gemini), so that’s the bonus about this exercise program, there is ALOT of variety for Gemini’s that don’t like to do the same thing and get bored. There is also alot of choices in the recipe index for someone like me who is gluten intolerant. I will be revisiting the pre-season tasks, re-watching the videos and really getting organised this weekend. I want to cook some foods so I have my lunches prepared for next week. This is where I fall off the wagon (during the day). I need something warm and yummy for lunch so I tend to hit the cafe instead of bringing something nutritious and yummy from home. I will make a bit pot of soup this weekend, that was great the other week. I felt very organised. My afternoon snack cravings are the worst!!! My inner labrador is fighting with rope and tugging so hard that I give in to its needs for sugary foods. I need to stop this. Only I can make the change and the difference. I need to look for a healthy and nutritious snack for the afternoons that will stop my sugary food cravings. I will revisit the snack thread from the 12wbt Weekly Surprise a few weeks ago and jot down some ideas.
I have been feeling very blah lately and down on myself. I know I can do this, I need to believe in myself. I suppose my biggest fear is once I reach my goal how will I maintain it?! Anytime I have lost weight and achieved my goal I put the weight on straight away. I will be signing up for next round because I think that will be what helps me maintain the weight loss once I have achieved it.
It would be good if this site had a diary or something in it so we are more accountable and uploading our food intake and exercise etc everyday, sort of like the Biggest Loser site. I was very accountable when I did that program and got great results because it was all on the one site. I shouldn’t make excuses, My Fitness Pal is a great site to capture my foods etc and I am the only one that can be accountable by tracking my foods. I need to keep a diary when I do succumb to naughty foods and what is going through my mind at the time and why I had to go for that option over something healthy. I think that will also help me.
I also went to the doctor to see re: periods, all good, not pregnant phew!!! just the pill I was on causing issues, so she said to take a break from it. It will be interesting to see how my weight loss goes now without it putting on weight ;) YAY
enough of my babbling, have a great day everyone xxx
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